The Strange World of Dating

As a 27 year-old single woman, I think it's important for me to date. There have been times when I've made the active decision not to (such as when I was nursing a broken heart, or my first year of grad school when everything was new and exciting and exhausting). However, on the whole, it's a good practice to stay open to a relationship. When I'm open to a relationship, I'm more open to trying new things and going outside my comfort zone. I'm more likely to take a chance, to risk looking like an idiot, and to go out and have some fun.

The flip side to staying open, however, is that I never quite know who is coming down the line. Some men seem quite well adjusted and normal in that first chat. Some even make it two or three dates before setting off the alarm bell in my head. While I'm committed to keeping an open mind, there are a few ground rules that need to be set. After twelve years of dating, here are some of the the people who should not, under any circumstances ask me out. And yes, these are all from personal experience.

1. If your primary concern and main life goal is making lots of money (and particularly if you talk about this for 45 minutes), you need not apply.

2. If you are still living with your ex-girlfriend/ex-wife, you need not apply.

3. If you have children from three different relationships, you need not apply.

4. If you can begin a sentence with "three weeks after rehab, I started snorting coke again," you need not apply.

5. If you regularly find dead bodies in parks and you're not on the police force, you need not apply.

6. If you finish stories with "and that's when I saw the hooker get shot," you need not apply.

7. If you have a tattoo, anywhere on your body, that features a naked woman pole dancing, you need not apply.

8. And last, but certainly not least, if your life story includes the line "and that's when the Lord told me to save the heathens of the Middle East," you need not apply.

This is not an exhaustive list. I reserve the right to add more as necessary. For now, though, I'll just sit back and marvel at the fact that I don't run away screaming from dating altogether.